Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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