i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
