So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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