I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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