theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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