So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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