Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You are a genius and a whore.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
