That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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