i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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