my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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