Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
