So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
