Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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