3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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