I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
