this beer tastes like vomit already
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize