and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
