You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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