The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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