ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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