I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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