I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
