i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
