Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
