honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
