Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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