he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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