My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
