She is in my trunk
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
