I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
