I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize