I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
