its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
