If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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