Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
