Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
