Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
