I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
