nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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