dude i'm inner monologue high
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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