He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
