for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
