And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
