So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
