Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
