i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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