I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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