from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
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