you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
