if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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