Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
