I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
