Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize