He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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