go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I got her a Nickelback box set.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
