he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
