Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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