if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
