Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
