So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
