M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
