if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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