I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
