I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
