Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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