I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
