For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
