please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
