I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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